Reality

I live in a new reality. My life in the last year is 180 degrees different. My heart was hurting, my tears were always flowing, I was someone I hated. I hated how I felt. I was so unhappy. I blame no one. I don't even blame myself anymore. Life is, what it is. I am not perfect. No one is, but I have become someone in the last year that I am proud of. I am stronger and happier than I have ever been. Am I always that way? HELL NO! I am sad at times, it's hard being alone. It's hard being a single mom. I didn't set out for this, but God brought me here. How can I be mad at God for bringing me to this place? I can not. I would be judging God's work, and unlike humans, God's work is perfect. God's timing is perfect.

God's will has been a constant battle for me. I do my best most days to follow his will. He has given and provided for me in ways I would have never thought even dreamed!

I look back at this time last year. It was close to my 4th wedding anniversary, AJ's birthday, and so much craziness and drama around our lives was a result of a choices we were given. I will not go into that, because I am not going to bad mouth him. Even though I don't want to respect him, I do. I respect him because he is my children's father. He will always be that. And as many times as he & his family disrespect me...I will stay strong and just stay grounded. They are not my new reality. They are my past. They will be in my children's future, but not mine. It's hard to be nice, and have good thoughts, but if in the least I can be classy and respectful to them, I will do that.

I am, with out a doubt, in a better place than I was before. I am single, not dating even. I have not been single this long since I was 17. God has a reason for this, I do not know it, obviously, but I know he will provide.

Gage and Chloe are my life. I miss them so much when they are with AJ but I get time to myself. They are awesome & smart. I could not ask for better children.

Point...life is good.